DS9: The Musical
by All4thebasilisk
Summary: Trust me, you don't want to know.
1. Matchmaker, Matchmaker

**This is just something I wrote one day when I was bored. It's supposed to be Kira and Jadzia singing about their weird relationships: they'll go out with almost anyone…except Dukat. The tune is "Matchmaker, Matchmaker".**

**KN**: Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match

Constable, vedek, a farmer perhaps

Matchmaker, matchmaker power's a must

So long as it's not Dukat

**JD**: Matchmaker, matchmaker, I'll bring bat'leth

You bring the groom, with forehead so rough

I'll settle for big ears or Dr. JB

Just make me a perfect match

**KN**: I'll start with a religious leader

**JD:** Continue through my next Trill life

**KN, JD:** We'll take any guy we like in full

**KN:** But please no transparent skull

**KN, JD:** Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match

Find me a find, catch me a catch

**JD**: Looks are no biggie, for me that's a fact

**KN**: Just keep him away- Dukat

**JD:** Kira! Oh, Kira! Have you got a match from I

He's handsome, he's sightly, that is with all three eyes

But he's a nice man, a good catch, right? Right!

I promise you'll be happy, and if I'm by chance wrong

There's always Dukat- he'll come along

**KN:** Jadzia, Jadzia, have I got a match for you

He's Klingon, he's young- at least as young as you

But he's a nice man, a good catch, true? True!

You heard he's got a temper, he'll with Dominion fight

But only when it's dishonorable- so you're all right

**JD:** Did you think you'd get a prince?

**KN**: I found the best I can

With Bareil, Shakaar, Riker Tom, Odo

I'm glad I've got (a?) man

**JD:** Matchmaker, matchmaker it occurred to me

I'll live longer thanks to the worm in my belly

Up to this minute I misunderstood

I thought I'd be stuck for good

**KN, JD:** It's clear; too, we don't need to pursue

The man of our dreams

**JD:** It may take a little less subtlety

**KN:** Or two hundred more years, it seems

**KN, JD:** Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match

From beyond the wormhole less me catch

But if I'm not careful he'll come after me

So bring me no ring, groom me no groom, find me no find

Catch me no catch… so long as it's still Dukat!

**I've got a few more of these songs, so if you want me to swallow my pride and post more, review, review, review!**


	2. Jake's Song

AN: I was shocked to discover that I actually got feedback! Maybe I _will_ continue this for longer… I've been thinking of doing a parody of the song 1985… Anyway, this one's to the tune of that old song "Cats and the Cradle." It's weird enough to qualify for this!

A child arrived just the other day

Born in New Orleans in the usual way

But there were ships to serve on, the Borg attacked

An orphan now, his mom would never be back

We went to DS9, and as he grew

_A war started to brew, yeah, a war started to brew_

_-_

_And the prophets and the Founders and the Vorta too_

_An ordinary day with Sisko's crew_

_When you coming home, Dad_

_I don't know when_

_I'm killing off Cardassians, yeah, and the Dominion_

-

He turned nineteen just the other day

The Jem'hadar invasion was underway

He stayed on the station when it was lost

Then he showed the Dominion who was boss

We retook DS9, but then we knew

_The hopelessness grew, yeah, we thought that we would lose_

_-_

_And the prophets and the Founders and the Vorta too_

_An ordinary day with Sisko's crew_

_When you coming home, Dad_

_I don't know when_

_I'm killing off Cardassians, yeah, and the Dominion_

-

The boy turned twenty-two just the other day

The war was finally going our way

With Klingons and Romulans on our side

The Cardies made it an easy slide

But Dad had to go, it was for real

_Dad became noncorporeal, yeah, Dad became noncorporeal_

_-_

_And as he stared at the starry skies_

_He had grown before our eyes, yes, grown before our eyes…_

_-_

_And the prophets and the Founders and the Vorta too_

_An ordinary day with Sisko's crew_

_When you coming home, Dad_

_I don't know when_

_I'm killing off Cardassians, yeah, and the Dominion_


End file.
